What I want vs What God wants: Thoughts on Boy vs Girl

I just wrote this post on my other blog (you’re really cool if you have two blogs).  I thought I’d share it with y’all too.

I think most people who believe in God would agree that he is probably good and that he wants the best for us.  The problem we face is when God doesn’t give us what we think we want, or when he asks us to do something really uncomfortable… it’s during those times that our beliefs are cross-examined, and we learn what we have actually been believing about God.

I am due with my third baby in April, and as I approach the 20 week mark, we are getting closer and closer to finding out if it is a boy or a girl.  I have two boys, so I haven’t really kept it a secret that I would like to have a girl.  Or at least I think I would really like to have a girl.  Until today, I went along feeling completely unquestioning my hope for a girl, but for some reason I started thinking today, “Do I really know what I want?”

If I have a girl, then I “get” to re-do our nursery.  We can get new stuff, new girl clothes!  If I have a girl, then when everyone’s older, she can come get a pedicure with me while the boys go hunting or something like that.  If I have a girl, it will be waaaaaay more fun for the other people involved because, let’s be honest, it’s not fun for other people when someone has three of the same gender.  But are these thoughts really true? No, this is my ego talking.

My ego tells me that if I can have a gray and pink nursery with new, trendy bedding that I will be happy.  My ego tells me that people will be really excited for me if I have a girl but that they won’t give a rip if it’s a boy.  My ego tells me that my future daughter-in-laws will probably think I am weird, so I should just ensure there’s someone who always loves me by having a daughter.  My ego thinks it knows everything, but the reality is that it only tells partial-truths.  It doesn’t really know.  It can’t know the future, it can’t know how things will actually be.

So if I find out next month that it’s a boy, I may still feel some disappointment, but l refuse to believe the lie that God is somehow holding out on me.  The Enemy uses his deception alongside our egos to convince us that we know what would be best, and when our egos don’t get what they think they want, the Enemy then tries to convince us that God is a fun-hater, that God doesn’t care for us or love us.  Not true.

The other way I see these lies surfacing about God is when I see his word asking me to do something that makes me super uncomfortable… which, if you’ve read the Bible lately, is relatively often.  A great example is sharing the gospel with my neighbors.  And not just sharing the gospel with my neighbors, but intentionally seeking out those who don’t know him in order to tell them about Jesus.  Or maybe another example is giving generously to those in need or to those who have given up their own wealth to take the gospel to people who haven’t heard it.  These things can be uncomfortable.  Heck, it can even be uncomfortable just to be temperate with food and drink, for crying out loud.

During these times when our ego thinks it would be better to stay comfortable, the enemy comes along to make us believe that God really hates fun.  The enemy turns obedience into a drudgery and we really begin to believe that God somehow wants us to be miserable.  Do I really have to stop gossiping?  Do I really need to love my enemies? Do I really need to stay sober?  Gosh, that’s no fun.

These are lies.  God is not a big fun-hater in the sky.  He doesn’t ask us to do things because he needs us, or to make us prove our loyalty or because he wants us unhappy.  On the contrary!!  John 17 says that he wants us to share in the glory and love that He has had with himself since before the world began.  He wants us to trade in the phony, unlasting pleasure we think we want so that we can take part in ETERNAL pleasure.  This is why he gives and takes away, this is why he gives boys instead of girls, or why he is asking you to turn from your sin- so you can have real pleasure, real fun.

The enemy lies and tells you that God is holding out on you, but he cannot.  He gave you His very own Son.  He loves you.



  1. This is a great post Leah! And just think- if it IS all boys for you, you already know what to do, you can spend the new-bedding money on a massage and pedicure, and you will always be their queen (among many, many other blessings!). Plus, so far in my experience, a boy is WAYYYY easier than a girl! ��

  2. I wish I had read this post when I was waiting to find out whether Avery was going to be a boy or a girl, because I was having a lot of the same feelings/insecurities! For the record, I will give a rip if you have another boy… or if you have a girl 🙂 (And also for the record, I always think the moms I meet who have all boys are the cutest moms, for some reason!)

  3. I’m so glad you wrote this! I am currently 20 weeks pregnant with my second (first is a boy) and we find out on Tuesday whether this one is a boy or girl. I’m having a LOT of the same thoughts and feelings as you. It’s comforting to know I’m not alone. Thanks for sharing!

  4. I could have written this post! We have two boys and I wonder if we should go for 3 bc I want a girl so badly. I worry about the daughter in law thing and how boys move on but a daughter never does. But I too have to remember God is in charge and knows what’s best for each of us no matter what our heart desires. Excited to see what baby 3 will be for you!

  5. I will give a rip either way! And good job bringing your blog back to life – pretty sure mine is permanently dead.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *